Precious time

Weeks are passing- but they appear to be going in slow motion. Time, thinking processes revolving around my mum. How she is , how much food or water being consumed. how much pain killers, is she comfortable, alert, asleep.

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Last week  ( as seems to be the norm at the moment ) we made two trips back to Cheshire, & some how the service station on the M56 becoming a a good meeting place to rendevous with my son or just a place to stop & take a moment contemplation- extra cups of tea or more all day breakfasts.

Picking  a select bunch of flowers from my garden or buying roses from Tescos- it is all done with the hope she will enjoy their scent or perhaps glance a the colours. (ignore the stray courgette in my trug below- this was for tea).

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Trying to keep my mind busy with other things- but all the time in the back of my mind I am wondering how she is.

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Sitting in the kitchen one day I glance my mums old WI cookbook- and reminded of her ‘Sticky Cake‘ she used to make ( although that wasn’t the real name, but a name we made up for her enormous trays of Flapjacks she cooked of us 4 children in the aga).

And in the evening whilst watching TV I  often sit on the sofa with mums knitted blanket on my legs- how sad is this – aged 55 curling up with a blanket  like grandma’s from the past. I remember my mum knitting in the evening- often squares for blankets such as this. If not a blanket for our family then for Oxfam or an appeal at the local WI.

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And so the days pass by- I am not energetic, but thankfully not feeling worse for wear with any  new MS symptoms at present- lets not count fatigue, funny legs etc. I have always thought stress brings on such relapses- so perhaps i should not even dare type all this. But with dads passing at the end of May. and sandwiched in between this sad time with my mum,  losing her sister- it certainly has been stressful. But we all have stress, & my blog is not set out to be a whinge .

All I want is -she’s not  to suffer.

 

 


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