Torn

It’s been another couple of weeks where I’ve been feeling under the weather. About a week back I woke one morning, and taking no notice of feeling ‘giddy’ I marched into the bathroom or staggered, as the last few steps weren’t upright but rather sideways- finding myself landing in a heap on the floor by the edge of the bath. Do any of you recall the song ‘Torn’ by Natalie Imbruglia. part of the lyrics sprung to mind, as I was indeed lying scrunched up on the carpet, naked ( after an accident trying to take of my nightdress)!

‘I’m all out of faith
This is how I feel, I’m cold and I am shamed
Lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed
Into something real
Wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
You’re a little late
I’m already torn’

So not being melodramatic – I couldn’t get up. Not if I pushed on the chair leg, or anything. I couldn’t even get myself in a better position- it was ridiculous.This wasn’t my style. I had fallen a few wks ago when I went for my blood test, & after being whisked of to hospital it was a UTI. So I am thinking – ahhah- that’s what it will be.

Obviously it was a Sunday- not helpful when you seek a doctor. But the first problem was to get up, preferably without shouting and waking Harvey who was visiting & asleep next door. Luckily Julian appeared round the corner of the bathroom door . ‘What was I doing’!!  😦  So I explained. He brought me some clothes & once I was decent, we maneuvered very slowly until I was perched on the edge of the bed.

He’d wheeled in my wheelchair & after all the noise Harvey was well awake so he could help get me into the wheelchair, & next job breakfast. It was the morning Josh was returning to his supported living house after a little half term break with us, but unfortunately I couldn’t help pack or take him back. ( below  photo of his novel Laurel & Hardy socks during karaoke  one day!)

It gave me time to spend with Harvey looking through his photos of his trip to the USA with old chum Ryan.

Cutting a long story short I was still wobbly on my feet, so the zimmer we not gotten ( is that a word!) round to having collected from my last trip to hospital – came into good use. Once safely in the car we set off to see a doctor hoping I could start on some antibiotics asap. Having taken my sample for him to check, he lent forward and showed me there was no infection. I said ‘are you sure’? ‘Have you done it right’?  He replied quietly ‘ how would you like me to do it?’ which was a brilliant retort to this cheeky middle aged patient! Exactly- how did I expect him to do a simple dip test & produce false results.

So he considered whether I’d maybe had low blood pressure in the mornings. I said yesterday I’d also felt faint when getting out of bed quickly. So he taught me to stretch, move my feet before getting up. But maybe I required further tests. But I was happy to go home, I promised to see my GP. Which I did yesterday and the GP considered it may be more related to MS, which I have pushed to the back of my mind.

After twenty years with many issues with M S, including fatigue, optic neuritis, saddle paraesthesia, mobility problems, pains in legs. I don’t want to add balance problems and dizziness to my list. It is a poor do, if I can’t trust myself to get from A to B, for fear of falling. I don’t mean travelling a marathon, but drive to town, buy a loaf of bread, get out and post a letter & come home. But lets not look at things bleakly I’ve had a stressful few months, & must be run down. At the moment I’ve a mouth full of cold sores ( not an attractive look, if I open the front door to you – especially as I’m not wearing mascara, can’t wear lipstick, & not wearing the most fetching jumper).

Lets see what happens- I will go to any new appointments. Sorry this blog is so dreary- just explaining where I’ve been for past month & what I’ve been up to. Next job buying Josh his Xmas presents. That always keeps me busy on the internet for a week. Thank goodness for past orders I can check on Amazon.

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